kenyan radio:the sounds and non-sense

July 17, 2008 at 5:10 pm | Posted in life | 19 Comments

some radio presenters make me feel like throwing up after a meal.or if am hungry, get that irritating feel you get when you cant ‘mwaura'(vomit) anymore.others have the effect of a cat grating on ironsheet- a wave of discomfort that travels through my system, much to my disgust.

i mean:THEY SUCK. and suck with a passion while at it!

i wonder where the future of radio is with such- but God help us all!

see, sound and sense are related but are different things in the audio package- most have NONE- they suck soundwise and are no where near sense.

radio, i believe is not about dripping the mic with saliva like Abbas Kubaff would say. its about oozing a personality that rides down the audience ears, coming out as real and convincing.it is much more than googled shit . imported accents and twang never authenticate your coolness- we jua you have never been to the real west, are not from westie and the nearest you’ve been to the US of ass is western Kenya. yeah i know, some may have lived ‘dea’ but offloading you twang on innocent ghetto-cured ears comes off as plastic, impository…everything.

corine, of HBoiz, who named her the queen of hiphop when all she does is play crunky crap. whereas i have an option to escape the torture of her ta’ ta’ ta’ ta’…i was surprised the other to discover that she is actually a nyang’ori!

well, i have a long list of personalities i hate and though corine aint one of them, i know many who should, as they say, ‘have listened to their teacher more’ and probably followed a different career path!

Albert Josiah the big ka-ho’-na! nigga, i think its time you got served. i wish you knew the devastating effect ya have on my ears anytime i forget to change stations and your drab nonsense hit my eardrums. daktari man, i have nothing but respect for you, but stick to sticking needles up bottoms of stubborn patients and save us the agony of littering our airwaves, coz like your brother nick odhiambo, you BORING and lack any intimation of life!

the rest of the suckers follow in quick succession, led by one fag-sounding Taylor one thing or the other of Radical Rock Hboiz…yeah, Charles Taylor Murathe- SHOOT YOU! i chocked in distasteful vomit when i accidentally listened to the show yesterday- the thought and voice of you canoodling the mic with such a metrosexual voice makes me think Ryan Seacrest is straight! i mean, boy, my @@@ feels totally insecure with you in control of airwaves. i wouldnt be surprised anyway if you spotted piped jeans, tight leather jackets and stripped shirts and a glassy grey pupils.

well, am not quarter way through and i feel no remorse though, for if getting tortured is one quality that Mc Cain thinks qualifies him to be president of the states, i am also in the race!

but i prefer the politics of haterade and listening to music all day. thus Hot96 comes naturally as a choice…especially for their dj mixes- coz talent is diminishing , or rather LACKING. well, if the future of radio is bestowed with akina Yols, ahem…we got reason to put robots to man the station. That dirty gal of radio with her character that insuniate that she is trapped in that stage of life called KIDULTHOOd- will she ever stop talking about sex????

I aint a bit sorry for getting personal and If anything, we should strap those mics with that Chernobyll product, Polonium 2o, watch as their skin wastes away, like a scene from ’28 days later’.

The rest of y’all little pervs and rascals, you luck space and time is limited. Otherwise the barbed razzlers are still waiting for you.

Nevertheless, there cant kosa some personalities I tolerate. Seanice and Fhareed may top that list for their spontainety and obvious realness- that Fhareed is a farting wart who hides in the arrogant way he treats listeners. Seanice is way niiiiiiiiiiice, wish she was as nice, visagewise, but she is from the Chamapara country, so……..

Chris and Allan, the pornographic couple. At least they are subtle in their handling of this radio content and they somehow flow well. Otherwise, they should save us the agony of listening to their sexual prowess, trust studded or not. We all know the king of sex is out here, ha.

As for Ciku, take busted from her and we see what we left with. Martha Karua without fr. Wamugunda,er I mean law? I think of her highly as a writer ( aint she a pioneer editor of Pulse?) on busted, SatMag…but her assumed intelligence pisses mwah off. One doesn’t achieve intellectual mileage by quoting Shakespearian rags, Cleopatra McAnthony…but it enhances the strength and philosophical rhythm of your story…which she crafts master-fully. Her writing sings.

Finally, G-money, like the G spot, is exclusively for the ladies!

Oh, and Tero, Namtero Mdee, leave the late night shizznit to that cat, La femme Fattal, Nini- she is the ultimate night nurse, the husky voice, content and quality.

Tero is much off better convincing us on magazine covers….

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19 Comments »

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  1. That explains why my radio only has two stations saved. Classic 105 for Maina Kageni & Mwalimu King’ang’i (though the music sucks totally) and Capital FM for mellow Tuesday, Neo Soul Thursday (& Sunday) & Capital Jazz Club with Jack Ojiambo. Other times, I stick to MP3s.

  2. wow……so…….who is your favorite hands down?

    I’ve been away from Kenya and we did not have this many choices back in the day.

  3. Haha i conqur…so what about Ugandan ladies they scare you huh??
    The only person i fucks with on the list is G money for apparently the rest are cheapos and cant stream online…
    capital fm aint my cup of tea either…too boogie for me!!…i like ot keep it Kenyan those mofoos act like they go to Oxford!…whatever rocks their boat…….

  4. On point… Hits not Homework used to be a show I could stand… but WTF! I dont know if its a crush on Ugly ass Lil Wayne or what Eve has… Its plain Boring…aaarrggghhhh…it needs a make over Mr. CK, possibly even a new person over that hour! But I dont mind the Lounge on Suday… perfect with Chao…

  5. I feel you brother,you got balls to tell it like it is, those peeps should have their balls cut off..they are contaminating the airwaves..Nice post

  6. For me it’s capital all the waaay! those other stations can go to hell. Though in capital my beef lies with Kerry. she has this irritating voice and boring vybe. The only thing that makes me tolerate her is the fact that i love rock. Fareed is just nuts! LOL, But my favorite.

  7. ha! ha! ha!…u couldnt be wrong! KIDULTHOOD…lol, have you watched a movie by that title by the way? its kinda just that…kidulthood.
    what i loathe about kenyan radio presenters is the fake accents, the twanging and all that americanisation, i mean, real random people in kenya do NOT talk like that, aiii…so why do they talk like that? and is it me, ama most of them seem to be either ‘have lived somewhere abroad’ or are affiliated to it? for Petes sakes, its not heaven. i know this is a rant but this topic has been on my mind lately coz i’ve been listening to too much home radio of late.
    then there is the constant talk about relationship, and sex as u mentioned…is that the only thing they can talk about?
    oh, and the branding thing…like so and so is the king/queen if hip hop, like did he/she make any music or he/she just googles stuff and plays you music so u think they know better…tsk!!!
    they need to go to school and get proper media education that’s wassup

  8. SO feel you thats why after I listen the radio morning I can only wait for Hot 96 when there is no presenter to listen to my Hip Hop.

  9. okay, i remember doing a post on radio stations some time last year, u with me, boyfulani?

    i feel u, totally.

    like archer, i tolerate the presenters of classic fm for the music, but still the rock station XFM is still playing good music. apart from that, its like i quit radio.

    i used to listen to seanice on capital and hits not homework of eve d’souza.

  10. I am a big fan of Mainas. Even Mutoko is not too bad. She handles issues that are important to the mwanainchi in Kenya.

    somehow, she does, but i dont fancy her.

    Allan of Capital FM has injected intelligence into that the Jam. I would like to hear him with someone as intelligent as he is. His handling of interviews is particularly unique..

    Yeah, they somehow flow…

    Corine of Homeboyz is good and sounds like Chao. She might one day be an Eve DSouza.

    i hate to love her, but she is good.
    May Seanice and Fareed live forever

    amen to dat!

    and I can only take so much of Marcus and Nick..
    Their jokes and Nicks laugh can be irritating.

    very!

  11. Should I be brave enough to comment? …. F**k it, I will, let the chips fall where they may. Radio in Kenya for me remains a bit of an enigma, I have been here almost a year and as a blogger myself, I read so much stuff about radio presenters that it makes me think what we do, or more importantly what listeners actually want. My view on radio and the view that works for me is that it works best if your audience (remember them?) can relate to you. Obviously I can speak for myself, my method is just to be me. What you hear on the radio is who I am. If I am pissed off, you will here it, If I am happy, you will hear it. As I always say, its not an image. Images are too hard to maintain.

    I know my style isnt gonna enamour everyone, but the show does what it says on the tin, I aint gonna come and talk about relationships or sex or politics, because to be honest, they are subjects that get adequate coverage, especially in the morning. What I will try to do, is play good tunes, if I have something to say, I’ll say it, if not I am confident enough to just play music. If the accent offends anyone, I apologise, born in the UK, grown in Jamaica – what can I do.

    There is good radio out there, if you look for it. There is also some shit radio. But I think that love us or hate us, everyone has there own way of doing things. Media in Kenya needs to open up and some of the great ideas that are being expressed on blogs need to be put in the face of the people who run radio. You can make a change, don’t talk about it, be about it.

    By the way, I can’t help it if chicks love the show 🙂

    One Love.

  12. ha ha -toooooooo funny , but if y’all can’t stand it ….wtf???? buy a freakin ipod! given- some stations are plain boring ,…but some do have it – wtf?…wassup with eve de? she makes her audience happy ….as for yols?…….wooooiii ! …that can’t be the future of radio!
    seanice and fareed crack me up daily…corine is cool

  13. WELL PUT G’MONEY !! WHAT DO KENYANS WANT?????IT’S LIKE YOU CAN’T MAKE THEM HAPPY REGARDLESS OF YOUR EFFORTS !!! MARA ONE DAY THEY LOVE CAROLINE- THE FOLLOWING DAY THEY CAN’T STAND HER ….AGAIN ,..IF YOUR TIRED OF RADIO – QUIT BLOGGING BUY A FREAKIN’ IPOD !!!! KUDOS TO MAINA -GMONEY- SHANICE AND FAREED-MUNENE AND ALL EM RADIO PEEPS!!
    UNTIL I PATA CASH TO BUY AN IPOD …..KEEP DOING YOUR THING!!!!

  14. boooooooo…. you suck. you sound like a college drop out trying to make a name for himself.

    writing articles is an art…you clearly don’t have it
    go to school and learn a thing or two bout writing blogs

    thats the best compliment i’ve got in long time.if i really wrote shit, u would have never bothered to comment.again, you talking about writing articles being an art.art is a revolt against fate.if my fate is to suck in my writing, then am revolting against it…writing and writing…coz, well its an art.

  15. […] – bookmarked by 3 members originally found by sadashiv on 2008-09-29 kenyan radio:the sounds and non-sense https://boyfulani.wordpress.com/?p=241 – bookmarked by 2 members originally found by neilio on […]

  16. wololo!

  17. OK FACTS ARE FACTS X-FM ROCKS.BUT THIS GUYS HAVE A PROBLEM WITH REPEATING SONGS. COME ON DONT BE KISS-100 BE A NEW ELEMENT.AND I LOVE THE LACK OF PRESENTERS IT MORE FUN

    i agree with you on the X-fm part, they need to like revamp their song lib! but with the expected re-launch,we can only wait.

  18. …and thats y i choose my radio shows very keeeeeeeenly… Ya’l should listen to Kubamba Radio on Hope FM Sato jioni…

    @boyfulani_ wat do you think of Munene Nyaga? and his characteristic laughter?

    sometimes, i think his laughter has been overated…overstretched and how comes you remember nothing else other than his laughter? content too matters…

  19. It’s the Kenya radio scene that I’d like to venture into next, I currently work on the Ugandan Radio Scene and I must admit that the ‘tell-it-like-it-is’ approach in this post had me thinking… How possible is it for me to start out there?
    Thank you

    Yvonne from Kampala


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