hakuna mapenzi nairobi!

April 17, 2008 at 9:42 am | Posted in life | 9 Comments

Arent Nairobi women fly???? or is it me who pops in the city when its supuus day out?

 hmm, at least the parking metres have long disappeared and  our crotches are much safer. besides the 360 degrees shoulder sprear you may get, its mostly blissful kodakass moments.

however, interaction and otherwise tell another story altogether. most are better left off there…for window shopping and nothing more than that. or how many people actually buy stuff on display?

i have always thought about how i could articulate  this, but never arrived on a concrete thought. not until recently with some mboiz generally analyzing our brokeassedness. whether it was out of experience, observations, dissillusionment or just sheer ignorance, the statement hit me.

ati amekunoki?..aaa..hii mapenzi ya nairobi, utaumia kijana/ she is head over heels for you..hmm..sorry brother, you will hurt yourself!

well, its true that love is never enough and a gal needs to get spoiled, but these politics of size are just dazing me. the bigger your account, car, blah… u know the list.

true love they say exists in a cover of  certain womens magazine, but at least, love in its most basic meaning does> anyone of these have any in their heart?

am probably  like a mad street preacher spreading the gospel of chastity in a brothel, but hear me out.

wasichana wa kicolle…sare tu!

 besides crytptically phrased texts with lotsa luv at the end its hardly a subject of discussion. self love possesseth them and if anything, and they are only grateful when u take them out to posh clubs, mindblowing treats and yes, send them credo once REGULARLY.

MANZE, they are so annoying at times…picture this.

phone rings…text message from She > Please Call Me thank you!

Boy sends credo…100 bob.

a minute later, your phone rings and befor you pick it, imenyongwa

She is flashing you and you call

boy > hey niaje?

she> tihihihihi..nilikuwa tu nakushow credo imefika.




April 14, 2008 at 7:01 am | Posted in life | 5 Comments

manze, this weekend was fyyyyyyyyyam!

first am disappointed in the cabinet i MEAN, 94 (thieves)!..hehe, and they expect the Ali Baba’s charm to work on us poor taxpayers by just saying ” open sesame!”

SURE, the rich are getting richer…us pple down there are simply getting more: children

this is daylight robbery plus mbuyu missed out on a post, arrrrghhhhhh……..

sunday memoires…

today there is a preacher from US of Ass. an old buddy of our passie and yes, this could be reason for me to lift my eylids kidogo and have a glimpse of him. finally! there is change today and my hope are raised only to be thoroughly and mercilessly thwarted!

i mean, the only thing he said that was audible was…: harreruyaH! after every sentence.

” you know the roads there are better than here, hareruyah!”

hi message was about ‘jelusalem’. the new jelusalem/ jerusamu jeru!

: heaven is liew  ***times ten***

heaven is real…that was his message, haha and why do pastors come so empty after visiting the land of the so called plenty? am not judgemental but i noted the spirited effort to fill the void. he was clearly hollow and of course and always only the pastor is enthusiastic about such messages.

being a pastor is hard, i observed. the guy says totally nothing and its your unwritten duty to nod head till it looks like it may fall off, clap hard and yes grin like its the greatest message you’ve ever hard.

after church, which is usually a hibernation period for me, i head to JB corner and there i meet one K Swiss.

just on friday, i was going through the collection of Mashiftas album from the ever-relevant song ‘system ya majamabazi’ to ‘pesa siasa pombe na wanawake and the future of the group really looked bright…

whatever happened to their dreams coz even with his works premeiring on ‘kwani 04’ the creative lyricisits is still in the hood hussling for mbao ya jaba/ for mababi ka maua, inteli-sthg, twenty bob for ketepa-leaves of the khat plant.

all i could pose to Africa: why do we kill our SUN? maybe this is why we are a dark continent, forever banishing out intelligensia and brightest sons to oblivion…

meanwhile, this morning in the bus, i got a story to tell. uhm, not exactly a fly chick that i never noticed before…btw, hii route yetu imekauka masupuu mbaya..wajua haishikaji bila wasupa, eh?

i mean, how do you dimiss a chick on the basis of what she has carried huko nyuma?

i always believe that a woman is ass and ass is woman and this just got confirmed. the conversation went like..

bus comes to halt and this brownie scrawny chikita enters…

boy1 to boy2: haiya, niaje, story za huku ziliendaje?

boy2 to boy1: aah, jo, ako poa lakini hana…ee ( makes a curved hand to represent…the shape.. then turns to me: si shore lazima akuwe nazo, ama?

boyfulani: ni hivo lakini you know haga is made besides being acquired?

boy2 to all: eeh ni hivo lakini unajua lazima akuwa na zile basics haha..

this riddim will last with me for the rest of the day, don’t i love ass?

hornier than thou

April 11, 2008 at 4:09 pm | Posted in life | 5 Comments

Horniness can be bad thing, especially if there is no cure in sight. As in, dehorning you know?
Be it a horny mosquito that’s trying to seduce you for a pint of your blood, it always ugly kwanza ka hau-I-feel.
Yaani, hujiskii na hizo stori.
Ladies understand what am talking with so many horny guys walking around, who-should-know better but don’t.
Much worse, is to have a horny neighbor.
I have many ways of saying this but this guy is downright horny. And Shamelessly so!
He thinks by causing chaos and having his disgruntlement spread to other jiranis, it’s a problem shared, thus a problem halved!
Or how do u explain a neighbor with a fetish for putting on so loud music that you can neither sleep, concentrate and by the second week, you have all his collections by your fingertips…please mind that they are nowhere near your taste.
So much for these equally horny juakalimen. they have made it their biz to make cheap ampli-fires as well as speakers that have more to do with size, quantity rather than quality.
Worse still, is the sound. It is earsplitting, irritating, and blows the living daylights out of the joy of having your own private moments.
Saa, huyu fala anaona amefika./this nitwit or P. Ochieng would call him, nincimpoop sees he has arrived.
I know there is the issue of confrontation but am too civilized for that. Talking to ‘authorities’…is another option that I will attempt not..Especially coz najua I haven’t cleared my rent arrears for the past month.
Furthermore, they have been unable to repair a window pane that broke six months ago yet they appear without fail to collect rent…those unfriendly agents with no non sense looks, wielding a big kifuli, just incase unyete na rent…/’joke with rent’
Lucky for me, juzi, someone showed up at his crib and she closely resemble that thing called a wife.
Like the Kenyan political crisis, calm has returned…albeit ‘uneasy’
Now, I am a haunted dude. Hizi mashida…argggggghh..
Those tunes of akina katitu and incoercible rumba songs clog my sleep and heaven forbid, may that ominous horniness not catch up with me.
I currently have no stereo.
Nor do I have a wife.
And I am not horny.
But if am ever is, I will give him what we call kichapo cha mbwa..haha.
From the ‘horse’s mouth …

the path of glory

April 7, 2008 at 8:26 am | Posted in life | 2 Comments
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…can be agonizing.
Well, there is something I haven’t told anyone.
A week or two ago, am not sure, I lost all the rights to semi-autonomy.
If there is such a thing as disgrace, this is.
“After the party, people go home. There is no such a thing as party values…”
“It’s high time you became part of the family.”
“Family values? You are lacking.”
In his typical FINAL and grave way of driving sense, he declared.
Truly, I must admit, I now know what/which cock crows in this his house and yes, I wonder whether sense will really sink in my head.
Damn, it’s already full! Fullo’shit that is.
I didn’t even know how to react people.
Such a free spirit as I, I was devastated to say the least. The list is long but I can’t linger on the DISS-ass-star longer than my pride can hold/last.
As I count the ‘losses’ he says they are blessings.
Yeah, trust me, the world war III will not be an American affair: it will be between the two generations.
Meanwhile, I like his attitude nevertheless.
Mum has changed, though I don’t like being around her.
Now that she knows daughter of nani is no longer in good books with moi (read she is safe…haha), hizo stori amekulia vako kiasi.
The tiger is CONTAINED.
Hey, but I love her laughter, her tiny chides at this generation and the list ends there.
I know, am young and DON’T drive it any harder in me, lest my kernel explodes.
I am not difficult, neither hard headed, my only problem is HEEDING instructions.
Hope no future employee is reading this.
At least, with therapist HIM lets assume that I’ll eventually CHANGE, ha!
Flexible, I am. Saturdays are no longer filled with me ‘reeking’ some cheap liquor and at the brink of catching the disease.
They are now filled with praise and worship. Holy dreams…can somebody say HEY MEN… for real.
True, my thoughts are more family oriented. Whiffs of responsibility are starting to waft around my being seductively…waiting for me to say the BIG yes.
The sound of quarrelling sufurias is still one I hate and as I give my small bro the world’s most genuine smile, I don’t like it when he turns into a wailing little creature.
However, I like his growth. Day by day, he is outdoing dad’s boot in size.
This path of duty…huh?
It’s long tiring but once I shoot out of it and claim my GLORY, I hope I shall have a last look.

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